And Then I Cried

Crazy day today. I had to drive to Salt Lake to exchange my hubby's cell phone that wasn't working, and in general just do a ton of errands. On my way home I stopped to see Little Man's baby sister. I am so glad we know where she is and that we can see her whenever we want, but going there breaks my heart. On so many levels.
First level: The grief over her life. She had a serious birth injury, and while she certainly had illegal drugs in her system, the birth injury was not the birth mother's fault. Seeing this little girl, laying in a crib, almost totally unresponsive just kills me. I wonder so many things when I see her. She is completely vent dependent and is fed by, guess what? A g-tube. Insert ironic laughter. Ha ha, they are tube twins. Why does that hurt? She doesn't have a mama, and she doesn't get to live in a home where she is adored.
And the second level. This baby girl is so neglected. Not by the care place, they take care of her physical needs, she is clean, dressed, her curly hair in a pony tail. But she has nothing! She has no beautiful blankets, she has no toys, nothing in her crib to stimulate what brain function she has. I guess this is what happens when both sides of your family are struggling with serious poverty. I asked the nurses what she needed and they said clothes and hair detangler! I asked about toys, they did say music and something like a crib music player. But they said she needed clothes much more. I can do nothing about my first level of grief, but I can do something about the second. So I am hunting at my local second hand kid's places, looking for toys, for things to help this little darling. If any of you feel like you would like to help her, she is wearing a 3T. She is partially blind and partially deaf, but needs toys to help stimulate her on any level. She can't touch a toy to make it work, so she needs things that basically go on their own. If you want to help, drop me an email, lakotajo2 at msn dot com and you have two choices. You can either mail them to me, or if you live locally and would like to meet this precious little girl, it can be arranged too. I can't do this by myself, but with your help, this little girl will get what she needs and what she deserves.
I kissed her little hand goodbye today, the hand that looks so much like my son's. I drove home, and then I cried.