All About The Boy

His abscess is looking great! As in healing, not as in the sarcastic *great*. And he hasn't reacted to the sulfa drugs, so today, we are drawing huge sighs of relief. He is allergic to the penicillin family so we were concerned about the sulfa, since the other allergy increases the risk of reacting to sulfa drugs. But today, dawning bright and new, things are looking pretty good. Except we have ANOTHER dr appt at Sick Kids R Us, near the giant stinky lake filled with sea monkeys. This time with neurology.
On my mind today, much, much, more than the dr appt is the boy's birth family. By a weird set of circumstances, they have found us.
Adoption is very convoluted and never without many tangled and difficult feelings for every side of the triad. Not for the boy in this case, because he does not understand he is adopted. We have never made it a secret that he was adopted, thinking when he was small, that we wanted him comfortable with his origins. Little did we know that his low IQ would keep him from understanding very much at all. He insists that he grew in my tummy and when I tell him he didn't, he, being quite oppositional, always argues he did.
In a state adoption, because the child is removed, generally for some very good reasons, you are left with some uncomfortable and undeniable facts. Like drugs, domestic violence, neglect and abuse.
Little Man's birth mother is dead. She was a sad victim of all that is wrong in our society and her life and death were tragic. Her life choices of drugs left our son with a legacy of abuse that will last his whole life.
Our boy has an older sister who very much wants to see him. She is with her extended birth family. His little brother(s) are pretty much lost to us, fostered and adopted out into a system with too many secrets, and I don't think we will find them. His little sister, we have the potential of finding, but she is still very young, and in the custody of her birth father.
I am not concerned at all about Little Man's reactions in this. He will be fine. We have a HUGE family and he is very used to meeting cousins, aunts and uncles he had no idea existed. I am worried about them.
How will they deal with all his disabilities? Will they be angry or upset? Will they understand? What about all their feelings for the loss of his mother? Are they going to be upset that he doesn't understand who they are? I am just so not interested in any drama. But I can not deny them their connection to our son, and their desperate wanting to see him. We will deal with it the best we can.
I don't want to meet them at the house, I want to set up the first meeting some place fairly neutral. And then we will see how it goes. I just can't stop thinking about it.
Whoever said adoption is the easy way had NO idea what they were talking about.