Thursday, February 18, 2010


I am a baby. Not the wah-wah whiny kind, (although I have my moments, ask my long suffering Bald Man!)
I am nothing but the most essential me. I eat, I breathe, I am my most primordial self, physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually.
I can not care for myself physically , I am dependent and needy. Without extra care, I would not survive. Like any baby, right here, right now is all that matters. I manage what is in front of me, I have no extra energy for worry about tomorrow, or yesterday. Present.
I reach, to stretch, to walk just a few more steps today than I did yesterday. Whether I succeed or not, there is no negative self talk, now, just is. Success is in the doing. Be
Breathing is primal, when every breath I took for more than a week was fought for, I can not take my air for granted now. I am aware, multiple times a day of the air moving through my nose, down my throat, expanding into my lungs. I can feel it, whether deep or shallow. Each one, precious.
I am in love with my oxygen, what relief, what sweet peace it brings to breathe and to have breath. And when I have to work at it, how careful I am, to draw each one in, purposefully, with intent, to give to myself what I crave. Air.
Emotionally, I am laid bare. I have no extra energy to be embarrassed about my vulnerability. Normally I would rather die than cry in front of someone, as if my soul were naked. But now? If I feel like crying, I do, even if it exposes the core of me.
Spiritually, I am deeply aware of God's grace. My every breath is grace. Each day a gift.
I am grateful beyond words for the kindness and love shown to me. I am cherished, cradled, carried.
I accept, I love, I breathe. I am just, just me.

10 Kids Who Want To Play:

Amber said...

Just you is pretty good. Just you is one of my favorite people. (wahh wahh). ;) I'm glad you're on the road to recovery- keep it up!

K J and the kids said...

Great post.
I am so happy that you have people to take care of you.
I worry.

Sarah said...

I can relate to this. I have a deep appreciation for the ability to breath. I don't think you really realize how important it really is until you can't. Beautifully said.

bon said...

Whuff... glad that there is a you still out and about in this world. This post makes me sit up straighter and take a few deep, reassuring breaths.

Me (aka Danielle) said...

{Hugs} to you Jo!

L. said...

Hang in there....We are ALL babies, all the time. It just takes something like a health crisis to remind us, how little power we really have over our own circumstances!

Sending you get-well wishes/prayers from Tokyo!

Jami said...

Beautiful, Jo. You describe your experience so well.

It's amazing how precious life is, how we take it for granted until some life-changing event. Childbirth and Lincoln's appendectomy have been some of my awakening moments.

Sher said...

Isn't is just amazing how we take life for granted, until it is almost taken away from us?
I truly believe that God blesses us with these amazing trials to help us understand and appreciate life a little better.

Laura said...

Jo, just popping in to say hi and see how you are doing. I hope you are focusing all your attention on healing. Praying for you, honey.

Love, Laura

Yondalla said...

I've not been reading blogs for weeks. I wish I had been so that I could have been offering you support. I hope by now you are feeling some better. Always my prayers.