Sunday, July 04, 2010

Demoralized

beaten down
discouraged
frustrated
dejected
crestfallen


Ya know? I am pretty strong, and generally upbeat in the face of a lot of crap. But not today.
I have been wanting/needing to blog, but haven't had a moment lately. Little Man got booted out of another summer program, we had a person working with him, but she quit with no notice on Monday. That means I have had him, 24/7 for almost a week.
Know what I have done this week?
chores-0
laundry-2 loads took me all day
meals cooked-0
anything else I wanted to do?-0
(except for Saturday, we did get respite, thank goodness, it is the one shining moment in a dump truck load of manure)
The boy is foul, foul, foul. Screaming, disobedient, defiant, ugly, name calling, violent. I have gotten punched in the face, been screamed at pretty much all day, every day.
We are working with his pyschiatrist, pediatrican, a therapist, a behavior therapist, case manager, and anyone else we could pull in to get some help with what is going on with our boy. Things are bad, very, very bad.
It has been a LONG, LONG day. I was already pretty fed up and not very happy, or patient.
Cherry on a crap sundae?
Bald Man just kicked my laptop off the bedside table. Laptop no longer works. I want to run away, I want to scream and kick and swear, I want to escape all of this. And it seems when things are the worst with the boy, when I really need a break, when I am having a really hard time holding it together, is when we have no help and at this point, little hope.
Things have been rough since Feb and seriously? I don't have it in me to be brave, or cheery or anything.
Send me some love notes, I really, really need them right now.

11 Kids Who Want To Play:

Kristina P. said...

Oh, Jo, I am so sorry. I don't know how you do it all. Do you have RISE in place to help you?

Me (aka Danielle) said...

I wish I had some words of encouragement, or a wand to make all the bad go away and replace it with all the good. Alas, I have nothing, other than my undying love and respect for you. Know that my prayers are being said for you. May you find the peace and happiness, that is LONG overdue!

Can I bring you a meal?

Kathleen said...

hugs and prayers from a loyal lurker

forever folding laundry said...

I'm so sorry that things are difficult right now. I'll say a prayer that things improve very, very soon.

xo,
Keri

TranquilMe said...

Go to the bathroom - for just a few minutes. Close your eyes and imagine a field of sunflowers, a warm summer breeze, white puffy clouds against a bluebird sky, and you in the middle of it all. Breathe. Fly with the birds for just a moment. Be free. Land safely and bring yourself back with new hope for a brighter moment... Love you sweetie! I am praying for you.

TranquilMe said...

Go to the bathroom - for just a few minutes. Close your eyes and imagine a field of sunflowers, a warm summer breeze, white puffy clouds against a bluebird sky, and you in the middle of it all. Breathe. Fly with the birds for just a moment. Be free. Land safely and bring yourself back with new hope for a brighter moment... Love you sweetie! I am praying for you.

L. said...

Prayers -- you got 'em. For peace and calm.

Lee said...

Jo, I am so sorry things are so tough right now. Hoping and praying that some help comes your way for all of you asap. That is a heavy load to be carrying. You are in our prayers.

tubaville said...

BIG HUG. And some tears cause I get how hard it is and how helpless and hopeless one can feel in that situation. I wish I could help in person.

M-Cat said...

I don't even know where to begin to offer some sort of advice or guidance.

Just hang in there and remember that the Lord knows you and your trials. Keep faith in him, and things will work out.

xoxoxox
M

Laura in L.A. said...

Darling Jo, I am so sorry. You bring so much love and joy to so many people, and you deserve it back ten-fold. I adore your blog, and your photos have made me smile and feel good on days when I am down. I am praying for you and your family and especially our Little Man.

Love, Laura