Monday, May 03, 2010

No Mountain Monday

Sorry peeps, I am just not up for it today.
I do have a new picture of Tigger though!

I really must brag about how proud I am of my daughter and son in law. Tigger was a tough little guy to get nursing, and I am so proud of his parents for hanging in there, calling in knowledgeable troops to help them and just for being so, well, I guess, tenacious! It can be a wonderful gift when the going gets tough. I couldn't ask for a more supportive daddy and husband for my daughter and grandson.

Blah, now onto to the not so great. As much I would love to not talk about it, my health continues to be a big issue, no matter how much I want to ignore it.
I have developed high blood pressure and a high heart rate, for what reason, no one knows. Now, the American Heart Association calls hypertension, "the silent killer"
They LIE! Lying liar mcliar pants! My high blood pressure is loud and noisy and not the least bit quiet. I am capable of telling where my blood pressure is, by how I am feeling. The higher it gets, the worse I feel. Tired is the big one. I also get really shaky. The higher it is, the shakier I get. To the point where I can't hold a book, sew, or even be on the computer. I HATE it. I was feeling so much better just a couple weeks ago and this set back has been tough on me emotionally. I keep saying, "I just want to feel better!"
One of the hardest things about this is I never know how I am going to feel, from day to day or even hour to hour. Some days I wake up feeling great, other days, like today, I just turn around after Little Man is gone to school and go back to bed.
I am learning to take advantage of when I am feeling good. There is one problem with this. Since I don't feel good all the time, or even half the time, I do not have enough time to do everything I want/should do. I have to plan my "good time" very carefully, giving myself enough room on each end of an activity to recover. I can push myself when I am not feeling really well, but I will pay for it, in a big way later. I am tired of being tired, tired of not feeling good. Tired of being sick, it feels like months and months of my life have been taken away from me. As, I guess they have.
I am overall okay, not depressed, but it is a struggle sometimes to maintain a positive outlook. For now, hope that I will feel better at some point keeps me going. Now and then a little voice says, "what if this is the new normal?", I can't bear to think that, so I put duct tape on that little voice's mouth.
My husband has been a hero through all this. He is patient with my inability to do things on some days and he is always asking me how I am feeling. I try to give him a heads up if I am feeling good when he leaves for work and later take a slide. I don't want him thinking dinner will be waiting, when I can barely get out of bed. He so far has been a saint and utterly patient with my physical weakness.
It is so weird, after so many years of being able to push myself through sleepless nights, being sick, whatever, to not be able to do it anymore. I am not enjoying this current part of my life, but at the same time, when I have things to do that I enjoy, like playing with my grand babies, I put my whole self into it, laughing and enjoying the moment. In spite of not feeling well all the time, one thing I realize is that the moments are all we have. A hug, a kiss, a tickle, laughter, each should be cherished in its fullness at the very moment it happens.
Slow down, before you get pushed down like moi, and really, really, enjoy the good moments as much as you can. Life AND health can be fleeting.

10 Kids Who Want To Play:

Kristina P. said...

He's beautiful, Jo.

I hope that he gives you some happiness right now. I'm so sorry you are still having health issues.

Jessica G. said...

Oh, baby!
(and I had issues nursing, too...might just have to blog about it. I haven't made my dad run away from the computer screaming lately!)
And we love you, Jo! Wish I lived closer so I could hug ya and help take some of the load off your shoulders - so you could hold those babies more.

Monica said...

He is gorgeous! I am so sorry you're feeling so rotten, that just stinks the big one.


K J and the kids said...

This post was just I'm so sorry you aren't feeling well. I hate that this has been such a long road to recovery.
I hope you have good health and strength soon. That your fears are put aside when your now norm is no longer and your new now norm is GREAT.

THAT is one great looking baby :)

Lisa said...

Darling Jo,
I can't help but be worried about you. Wishing I could rush in and help out.

Not to sound like a broken record but seriously consider the chia seeds. Now my mom (who's been medicated for HBP for over 30 years) is now unmedicated after taking chia for 2 weeks. She was very doubtful but tried it at my insistance (read pushy). :)

Precious grandbaby.

Hugs & Love,

M-Cat said...

Tigger is adorable, and I am sorry you are still feeling so crummy!

Sher said...

Aw, I want one.

He is perfect!!

Rachelle said...

Hi Jo! Thanks for stopping by my blog. Yours is just beautiful. These pictures and scenery shots are amazing!

Well i hope you get to feeling better. I know how it is... i have it too. Hope it gets better for you ... and this lil' baby is gorgeous!!!

Holly said...

Loving Tigger. Can't wait for you to meet him in person as I know your heart longs to. Praying your health will cooperate so you can get your hands on him soon.

Laura said...

Darling Jo, I am so sorry that your health is not what we want it to be. Please keep working with your doctors to find a regimen that controls your blood pressure, and keep pushing for answers. You are so precious to so many people.

Your Tigger is just gorgeous. :):)

Praying for you, Jo.

Love, Laura