No Mountain Monday

Sorry peeps, I am just not up for it today.
I do have a new picture of Tigger though!







I really must brag about how proud I am of my daughter and son in law. Tigger was a tough little guy to get nursing, and I am so proud of his parents for hanging in there, calling in knowledgeable troops to help them and just for being so, well, I guess, tenacious! It can be a wonderful gift when the going gets tough. I couldn't ask for a more supportive daddy and husband for my daughter and grandson.

Blah, now onto to the not so great. As much I would love to not talk about it, my health continues to be a big issue, no matter how much I want to ignore it.
I have developed high blood pressure and a high heart rate, for what reason, no one knows. Now, the American Heart Association calls hypertension, "the silent killer"
They LIE! Lying liar mcliar pants! My high blood pressure is loud and noisy and not the least bit quiet. I am capable of telling where my blood pressure is, by how I am feeling. The higher it gets, the worse I feel. Tired is the big one. I also get really shaky. The higher it is, the shakier I get. To the point where I can't hold a book, sew, or even be on the computer. I HATE it. I was feeling so much better just a couple weeks ago and this set back has been tough on me emotionally. I keep saying, "I just want to feel better!"
One of the hardest things about this is I never know how I am going to feel, from day to day or even hour to hour. Some days I wake up feeling great, other days, like today, I just turn around after Little Man is gone to school and go back to bed.
I am learning to take advantage of when I am feeling good. There is one problem with this. Since I don't feel good all the time, or even half the time, I do not have enough time to do everything I want/should do. I have to plan my "good time" very carefully, giving myself enough room on each end of an activity to recover. I can push myself when I am not feeling really well, but I will pay for it, in a big way later. I am tired of being tired, tired of not feeling good. Tired of being sick, it feels like months and months of my life have been taken away from me. As, I guess they have.
I am overall okay, not depressed, but it is a struggle sometimes to maintain a positive outlook. For now, hope that I will feel better at some point keeps me going. Now and then a little voice says, "what if this is the new normal?", I can't bear to think that, so I put duct tape on that little voice's mouth.
My husband has been a hero through all this. He is patient with my inability to do things on some days and he is always asking me how I am feeling. I try to give him a heads up if I am feeling good when he leaves for work and later take a slide. I don't want him thinking dinner will be waiting, when I can barely get out of bed. He so far has been a saint and utterly patient with my physical weakness.
It is so weird, after so many years of being able to push myself through sleepless nights, being sick, whatever, to not be able to do it anymore. I am not enjoying this current part of my life, but at the same time, when I have things to do that I enjoy, like playing with my grand babies, I put my whole self into it, laughing and enjoying the moment. In spite of not feeling well all the time, one thing I realize is that the moments are all we have. A hug, a kiss, a tickle, laughter, each should be cherished in its fullness at the very moment it happens.
Slow down, before you get pushed down like moi, and really, really, enjoy the good moments as much as you can. Life AND health can be fleeting.