Friday, January 30, 2009


My head and heart are both spinning. Today was a day filled with many different emotions.
First, I pick up Little Man from school. He asks, (AGAIN) where we are going. I tell him, remember your other mommy? The one who grew you in her tummy? You have a sister with that mommy, and we are going to see her. I can't tell you how many times we have tried to get him to comprehend that he had another mom before he came to us. I would like to ask the universe, "why today of all days, did he get it?". He did. He finally did. "I have another mommy?"
"Yes, you do."
"Where is she?"
Me thinking, oh crap, oh crap, oh crap, what do I say??
"She died sweetheart"
"My mommy is dead? Like H and Peter Pettigrew the rat?" (H is a child that died last year in his class, and he has been sad sometimes for his friend)
My sweet little son begins to sob. And I am driving and can't stop, and my heart is breaking with his.
"Why, why, why did she have to die?"
"Oh sweetheart, sometimes bad things just happen. I am so sorry you are sad. Don't forget, you have two mommies and I am right here"
I finally get to a place where I can stop and hold my son while he cries and grieves for the mommy he can't remember.
He is finally in a better place emotionally and we continue on our journey. We make it there, and they are oh so very nice.
Little Bird is the big sister, such a beautiful girl! She is a mommy already, and has a son, 2 months old, Little Man Jr! We were completely shocked at how much he looks like Little Man when he was a baby. Really shocked.
Little Man did okay. He was difficult for some of the visit, but also kind, and helped serve pizza to everyone. They had a gift for him that he enjoyed playing with. They were very patient and very nice.
Any worries I had about appropriate boundaries were laid to rest. They didn't ask for anything or expect anything except information about Little Man, and they were so very polite and nice. I would be lying if I didn't say we weren't all a bit sad, to face so much loss and sorrow was really tough, but good at the same time, if you know what I mean.
Little Bird had many questions about Little Man's disabilities. His seizures, and other things, and I think was a bit sad about it.
In return, I received a lot of information about Little Man's NICU stay. He had seizures then too, and the nurses were very sure that he would grow up with many problems. (Would have been nice if someone had told us that part!) We got some more info about Little Man's birthmother, but not very much, because she didn't spend much time with her family, with the drugs and all that.
Probably one of the biggest gifts we were given was the location and permission to visit Little Man's youngest sister. The place where she is isn't far from where we were driving, so we went and saw her too. Knowing that someone is in a persistant vegatative state and seeing someone that way are two different things. And in spite of my trying to prepare Little Man for the sight of his little sister in a wheelchair and on a vent, unable to respond to him, it wasn't enough and he was unwilling to approach her for long. There will be more time for that later.
There is way too much going on in my head and heart to write all of it, so I will leave you with some pictures instead. There will be more visits ahead of us, at this point there is no reason to limit them.

Little Bird, A cousin, and Little Man in his new grandma's lap.

Little Bird, Little Man, and Little Man Jr.

The next two pictures are Little Man

Little Man Jr. Check out the family resemblance!

We had made a bunch of reprints of Little Man, like 50 of them! And we gave them to the family. There was a lot of, oh he has... so and so's nose, he looks just like... It was sweet.

Little Man enjoying his new nephew. (Personally, I thought that baby was so cute, I wanted to EAT him! NOM!)

Little Man and his little sister. She is 3.

The most amazing part to me? I couldn't see any family resemblence in her face, it is too deformed by years of laying in a bed. But her hands! She and Little Man have the same beautiful fingers. Long and delicate, with the most beautifully shaped nails.

The nurse said, I never noticed how beautiful her hands are. And I thought, you are not the mama, you do not have every inch of her skin memorized and delighted over. It made me so sad. There is no mother for her, no one to mother her. And my heart broke into a million pieces. It has been quite the day.

24 Kids Who Want To Play:

Kristina P. said...

Wow, what a tough day, Jo! I hope that everyone finally gets the answers they have been searching for.

Holly said...

What a day for you guys. I am so glad you got to make these connections though. Thanks for sharing your experience, it brought tears to my eyes.

Lauren/Paxton said...

i'm glad the visits went as well as they could have.

"little man jr" is such a citie pie!!

i feel so sad that "little man" was sad for his birth mom. i hope he doesn't stay sad for long. he's a great kid and i dont want him to be sad.

Torina said...

That sounds like an intense day. But a good one considering the circumstances. I bet your mind is whirling. I know mine would be...

Me said...

Oh Jo! What to say..what to say? God Bless you my friend! The things you experience....and the strength in which you endure them. I truly look up to you.

Yondalla said...

That's a day and a half.

I'm glad for you though.

Jami said...

Oh sweet Jo! What a day. So much joy and pain. God bless you for being such a kind mom.

The little girl looks very sweet in your photo. Your camera has a gifted owner.

3 Bay B Chicks said...

What an amazing journey you are on, Jo. Your strength and courage as a mother are both inspiring and humbling to me.

Pictures are very fitting for this post. The words may come in time, but there is no hurry.


Lisa said...

I am so glad the day went better than expected but what an emotional rollercoaster! My heart breaks for Little Man.....

Laura in L.A. said...

Jo, I don't even know what to say. Wow! A decade's worth of stuff to process, in one day.

You are such a strong and loving mom, willing to wade on in to stuff I would want to avoid like crazy. Your love for Little Man and your desire to help heal others is truly awesome.

God Bless you and your family.

Love, Laura

forever folding laundry said...

I don't know what to say. What a range of emotions you must have been feeling. Thank you for sharing this with us.

Kim said...

Oh, my. What a touching post. That final picture is beautiful.

Debbie said...

Wow. It is so hard to even think of words to respond to this. I am glad you had a good experience and your son coped so well.

Coach B. said...

Wow Jo. That is probably the most bitter sweet story I've ever heard. What is the handicap sisters situation? What kind of care/facility is she in?

Bonnie the Boss said...

I bet you were so exausted! both of you. Thanks for sharing such a wonderful day. They do both have beatiful hands!

Susie said...

What an emotional day for you and Little Man. The pictures are wonderful.

K J and the kids said...

What a beautiful sister he has.
I'm so sad for that little 3 yr old. Who goes to see her ? She's my kids age and I can't imagine her being all alone in there.
My heart aches for her.

Amber said...

That sounds wonderful and emotionally exhausting all at the same time. You're right about the baby (that hair!) and the pretty hands and nails (I'm envious). I'm glad it all went well.

Lana said...

So glad things went alright. I think you are wonderful for putting yourself and Little Man "out there". You could have said no to his sister, and kept him to yourself, but you didn't.
Was this a one time meeting, or will Little Man be seeing more of his bio siblings?

rychelle said...

wow, indeed.

what a beautiful extension to your family.

Jessica G. said...

What a day for you! I hope you get the time you need to process it all. Seeing his little sister about broke my heart...

Jenny said...

Jo, the emotions you live with on a regular basis are so extreme and your heart exercised, one only needs to read this post to know why you have the heart of a bear; so strong, so big. Again thank you for this post. - Jenny

littlebear said...

I am glad to hear everything went mostly okay! Are they going to see each other again? What a confusing time for Little Man though, between finally understanding about his birth mother, meeting his family members, and meeting his younger sister who can't respond to him! That is so hard to see a tiny three-year-old in that state. :(

Cyndi said...

Hi Sweetie Girl,
'Finally getting around to reading your blog, and enjoying it very much. I just read your recap of your day meeting Little Bird & Co. Yes, you'd told me about it, but seeing it in ink, accompanied by pictures was especially touching. I'm so proud and respectful of you, my long-lost pal!! Biggest Hugs, Cyndi