Saturday, May 09, 2009

Another Point of View

Mongoose says:
"Actually unless you left something out, it doesn't sound like they said anything mean or rude. Your kid WAS bothering them - so what if he's autistic? Some people like their personal space, and I don't think anyone really owes it to other people to enjoy their kids, autistic or otherwise. I don't think the problem was their behaviour so much as you being worn out and raw. Not that I blame you, but feeling miserable doesn't make the world owe us any kindness. I should know.

And I know I sound like a total b!tch saying this, but I don't mean it as being rude to you (even though I'm pretty sure it sounds that way). It's just a matter of perspective."

You have a right to your own perspective Moongoose, it is true. And they were very rude, making noises, whispering loudly to each other, throwing very ugly looks. Blocking my son from seeing the screen as if they were 4 years old. And you are correct in saying that my son was bothering them. It is true, they were bothered by my son.
But, they were NOT autistic, and their IQ's are significantly higher than 51. I am assuming, since they have reached adulthood, they have gone to school, and been exposed to people who are different from themselves and should have learned a few manners along the way. Obviously a lesson that fell on deaf ears in their cases, although I am fairly sure their mothers would have horrified by their appalling lack of human charity.
My son at least has an excuse for not yet having learned how to behave in public. What is theirs? He stood too close. He didn't touch them, he was bouncing and making noises. I was doing my best to help him not stand so close, but outside of completely physically restraining him, I was in a tough spot, only because they were being awful about it. I think some people think my son should not be allowed out in public, so he can't "bother" other people.(Not you Moongoose, but the couple we were behind) I am just grateful that this is just about the rudest set of people I have ever run across. For the most part, people are kind and accepting and try to do their best to help me show Little Man how to behave in public. If I never run across such unkind people again in my whole life, I would be okay with that. Next time they should order from Netflix, so they don't have to deal with people who might bother them. It is far easier for them to modify their reaction, than it is for me to instantly find a way to get my boy to change his. We are working on it, but it is a very long process, seeing that he lacks some of the most basic things to be able to train him. Like memory and intelligence, and an ability to read social cues. He wasn't dangerous, he wasn't touching them, he was standing too close. I don't think they will die from it anytime soon. Although at this point, I might wish it!

13 Kids Who Want To Play:

Lee said...

I feel for you Jo. I have a son on the autistic spectrum and my life is filled with checking when we are out in public--even now that he is an adult.

The people were so wrong, not you. I had many many situations like that when Chet was young. Sadly the incident that has always pained me the most was different. He was part of a coming of age program at our church. When the kids came back and were honored at church, one of the moms turned to me. She had always been one of those who was exceptionally put off by my son's differences. She turned and said to me: "you must be so happy, Chet looks so normal today." I have never forgotten that. It destroyed my day.

Kristina P. said...

I agree with you that they should be able to display more patience than a young man with an IQ of 51.

Now, if you were letting him climb all over people, touch them, etc., then I would agree with Mongoose.

rychelle said...

little man is lucky to have you.

happy mother's day, jo.

Holly said...

Happy Mother's Day, Jo! I know you do all you can to give Little Man the best life experience he can have. The world needs to learn to accept our kids differences and if he wasn't touching and you were working with him there was nothing to be upset about. Our kids have as much of a right as others. "invisible disabilities" are so difficult because people feel they can just ignore and push them aside. I know it breaks your mommy heart when you have to deal with these situations. I've been in similar circumstances and know how much it can hurt. You are a great mom though and he's so lucky to be your son.

Soxy Deb said...

Oh Jo, I'm sorry for you and lil man having to be put through that. Some people just have no compassion or empathy.

I hope your having a nice mother's day.

K J and the kids said...

I'm sorry Jo. Once again.

Happy Mothers day !

elizasmom said...

Jeeeeez. My kid's not even on the spectrum but she steps into other people's personal space all the time because she's a KID! She's excited! She doesn't know all the rules yet!

You shouldn't even have had to explain that he's autistic, in other words — kids are kids and anyone with an ounce of compassion would make allowances.

I'll take the charitable view that perhaps that first couple does not have any experience with kids, because most people would've said, eh, no big deal, and just dealt with it — especially if it was clear that there was a parent addressing the behavior already.

Jenny said...

Happy Mother's Day Jo. Thank you for being who you are.

Coach B. said...

I can see Mongoose's point of view...and then I can see your point of view. I know several people who must must have their personal space or they'll freak out.

Maybe that couple suffers from claustrophobia...however, I do think that autism beats out claustrophobia. But then again, I am neither...I wouldn't know what it's like to be a mean claustrophobic or a young autistic :) Definately to human types that don't mesh.

Sarah said...

I think they were just upset because they were trying to get porn out of the machine and didnt want anyone to see!!!! Just a thought.

Laura in L.A. said...

Jo, I was raised to believe that we serve Jesus by serving others, and we should always be on the lookout for people who need our help. If that means stepping aside and letting a clearly anxious autistic young man and his stressed mama GO AHEAD OF US (gasp!), that's what you should do. They can spend the few moments waiting thanking God for their many blessings.

There doesn't have to be a religious component, either. My atheist Dad called himself "The Lone Ranger," and always helped everyone.

As you do unto the least of My brethren, so you do unto Me. Says it all. :):)

Love, Laura

wendy said...

That is the kind of thing that makes me so sad!! Dang, why are people so "inhumane" sometimes. I'd be wanting to punch them ---but I tend to over react, but as a mom, I'd be doig battle.
sorry!!

Lady of Perpetual Chaos said...

Well, I can see both points of view, but I have a feeling that couple would have behaved poorly no matter what....it seems to be a problem they have with interacting with humans, regardless of ability. But you just don't mess with a Mama Bear. Especially a tired Mama Bear. I hope you had a wonderful Mother's Day. You've earned it. ;o)