Tuesday, July 11, 2006

Because You Asked

I will not go into great detail about Little Man's birthmother, because it would not be helpful to any of my family or hers for this infomation to be made public. His birthmother's death happened a while ago and a bullet violently ended her life. Her drug habit certainly contributed to her death, but I refuse to vilify this woman, whom I share a son with. Instead I see her as a symbol of what is wrong with how we treat so many we see as being "undeserving". Brown, poor, uneducated, she is like so many I know, some of them my family, trying to live in a world that is not our own.
Little Man's birthday is not til the end of the month, but this time of year brings so much sorrow into my heart. Little Man doesn't have enough going on cognitively to understand any of this. While we talk freely about his adoption, he doesn't know what the word means. For Little Man, he has a mommy and a daddy and brothers and sisters. But we understand the loss and I feel I must not only grieve for myself, for all that isn't, I need to grieve for my boy and now for his birthmother too. Someone must remember what happened, someone must cry the tears that need to be shed. To honor her for what she did do and for all of her lost dreams too. Our tribe practices memorial services, they are very important for remembering and honoring the dead, who will always remain a part of our lives in the circle of life. I hadn't realized until I was answering this question why it feels so important for me to do this. Now I know. Thanks for asking.

3 Kids Who Want To Play:

CaerLiveSound said...

Jo, this was beautiful and touching and very sad.

I'm there with you. And happy birthday, Little Man.

ipodmomma said...

beautiful... Little Man and his birth mom are so blessed to have all of you...

Jane said...

Jo, I know what you mean. Toots and Noodles' b-mom made some very bad choices--that ended up in both children being hurt--but I can't vilify her either. She was a very young mom who, from what we've been told, had had very little guidance from caring adults in her own life. We don't know where she is now, or if she is....Toots wants to try to find her, and we have been mulling that over.

Happy belated birthday to the Little Man!