So Scared

What a crazy day, but I will post about that later, when I am in less ruffled mood to do so. Pygmy Child is enjoying her visit with Brown Boy and so far he is passing our family tests with flying colors. But this post is not about them.
Due to insane schedules of many adults and the fact we are moving to MO at the end of the month, to say nothing of our road trip next week, suffice it say that today was the ONLY day to get all the kids together to get a family portrait done. The last family portrait we had done was oh... when Little Man was a year, and he is almost 9 years old now. Time to get it done, or it wouldn't be happening in the next decade I think.
Little Man was HORRIBLE! I am really traumatized by how awful he was. He walked up to me and bit me on the breast, (what the heck? He has never done anything even remotely like that before) He pinched me, HARD on the neck, he scratched me, he screamed, he cried and in general carried on terribly. He made our trip for a family picture into a complete nightmare. Autism+retardation+his other mental disorders= a really bad time.
I know it isn't his "fault" and he has a ton of problems that contribute to times like these, but even though understanding helps, it does not take away how hard it is to remain patient with him, nor does it take away my fears.
What my sweet, (ha!) boy does not understand is that days like today scare me to death. I think that is ultimately my trauma about his behavior, it scares me! It makes me wonder about the future. What about when he is bigger than me? What about puberty hormones? Will the future bring uncontrollable aggression on his part?

He doesn't understand that days like today leave me in terror of a time when he might not be able to live with us. There are quite a few children with Little Man's syndrome who have been moved out of their family homes permanently, and more than one child who has had to live separately temporarily. I just pray our little guy won't be one of them. Days like today leave me fear and doubts.