Today

Today I am not angry, today I am just so sad. Last night I dreamed something, (I don't remember what) and I just sobbed and sobbed in my dream. The tears I can't allow myself today. Perhaps someone out there has some wisdom for me, to help me disengage from my children's choices and yet still love and rejoice in them. I have such a hard time when they do stupid things, things that seem so obvious to Bald Man and I as really bad decisions. They don't see, and I know they have to take their own paths in life, but it is just so hard when you CAN see it is not a great idea and they just won't listen. I find it impossible (so far) to distance myself emotionally in one area and not another of their lives, well particularly with Princess. She has depended on us, especially me, this last year, as a single parent, financially, emotionally, physically. When she was sick, she came home, I put her to bed and took care of the Pea, more than once. When she was upset or struggling, she came to me also. I feel so kicked in the face by her deceit and cruelty with Pinhead, (ha, I have always said he had a small head anyway! So Pinhead he is until he proves himself a man to our family), I feel used for her own ends. When things are tough I always want to run away, and this time is no different. I wish it was November and that we were moving to MO. Thank goodness Little Man has summer camp today, because I really need some space. Good thing I don't have any money or I would spend it! Good thing I have a couple of dollars if I want to see a movie and eat popcorn. Good thing I have you guys, you give me strength.