Friday, December 08, 2006


The GI doc's office called this afternoon. After two phone calls on my part for a follow-up. Nope, his gut is not full of poop. Good news that! Although the Nurse practioner did say he had an awful lot of gas. She wanted to know if he was getting any lactose, I said no, we don't let him have any milk, seeing as how he is allergic to it and all that...sigh.
I said I had ordered the Boost Breeze, which is one of the things they insisted we try, we are waiting for Walgreens to deliver it. I did say we doubted it would help, since he has plenty of formula here, but refuses to drink it. But we really must do what we can to help him.
And a clarification since Manuela asked
"But honey... what did you write yesterday that left you feeling vulnerable... I'm confused... your Doctor is an ass and you are worried about your child... did I miss something?"
I figure she might not be the only confused Bloggy Pudding. The reason why I dreamed I was naked in front of a group of people last night has to do with feeling so very vulnerable. This has to do with putting in words and speaking it publicly of the fears for my son. The horrible reality of certain death by starvation and possible death by infection. You have to realize the day to day fear we deal with. The non stop medical problems and crises. Very often Bald Man and I don't even talk about it, how scared we are. When Bald Man looked at me the other night and said that Little Man was having seizures again? He also said, "I feel like this is the beginning of the end." What do you say to your husband when he says that to you? My eyes filled with tears and I just tried to breathe. Still am. Trying to breathe, through the pain and the fear and the helplessness.
I hope that clarifies my fear and my sense of vulnerability. I told you what I haven't said to anyone, not my family, not my friends, not my husband. You know my heart.

6 Kids Who Want To Play:

Azul said...

Jo, I can understand the smothering fear you feel at the thought of losing your beloved son. It is a fear that I hide from that causes me to blink back tears and swallow the lump in my throat at the most inopportune times. Isn't it strange how sometimes it's easier to say these scary things to a blank page, to an Internet full of strangers, than to to those closest to you? There are some things I am too scared to say out loud, lest they come true. The scariest of is the D- word, the one that would mean a lifetime of empty days without my Chico. I don't have any wise words for you, I just wanted to say hi and let you know I'm reading. Good thoughts are being sent your way, and I pray that you'll get some good news soon.

Melissa said...

Oh crap, Jo. I don't even have any words, just ((HUGS)) for you and an open email anytime you want to vent to someone who cares.

Anonymous said...

"I told you what I haven't said to anyone, not my family, not my friends, not my husband. You know my heart."

And we love you for it. Your honesty is touching and endearing. We are so privileged to be able to peer through this window into your life and your heart.

Sending love and prayers and positive thoughts your way. I hope you find a way to get more food/calories into little man, soon.

Anonymous said...

Oh. It has taken me forever to figure out my password! I am back on track here!

I am so sorry for my selfishness with that stupid situation I was in earlier this week.

You should have told me to shut up for a minute.

I will keep you and 'little man' in my prayers. I left a message for you on your phone.

Good luck I know how difficult your little man can be when it comes to eating. Can't they find another med to try something........

Please call me.

Jenny said...


Manuela said...

Oh, honey.... I"m so unblievably sorry. I'm such an ass. Of COURSE this would make you feel this way. I am so thinking about you and sending positive thoughts your way.