Saturday, April 15, 2006

Seamy Underside

I started this blog as a way to be able to openly talk about things. Things that I couldn't usually. The only person who knows about the blog is Pygmy Child, and she isn't allowed to read. Now that you know a lil bit about my current life, this post goes to my "other" life. The one that happened before I made this family.
My parents were married in 1959.
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My dad was in the army. My mom a resevation girl living in California with her sister. My dad turned out to be a real loser. A drunk, and a wife beater to top it off. My parents made 4 girls. One sister 1 year older than me( Terese), I am next, one sister 1 year younger (Jan) and the youngest by 3 years after me, (Anita) It was probably all the for the best that he was gone so much during the Vietnam War. To make a long story short, he left all of us, when I was 10. I never saw him again. He died about a year and half ago. Leaving all of his girls to mourn what would never be.
This leads me to my confession about how angry I am with my youngest sister Anita. We used to be so close, and I think that really is part of the hurt now. Through her divorce with her ex, I was there, always supportive and loving. She was remarried about 2 years ago and pissed my mother and my sister Janet off royally by acting like a spoiled rotten brat at her wedding.
Part of this story would be incomplete if I didn't mention that she is some sort of evangelic Christian. Hey, I am a Christian too, but not according to my sister, she knows we are all headed for hell, and in recent years has become very intolerant, smug, self righteous and quite the little hypocrite. I miss my sister, the one who I used to be close to, the one who was so loving to me. I miss her a ton.
This all leads into the fact that I will be seeing her in a month, and I am so angry with her. I kinda feel like I need to deal with this now, because I don't want to ruin our family celebration by getting into it with her.
My current gripe with her is over my dad's things. She was the only one with the resources to be able to attend his funeral. In the process she received a bunch of his stuff, which not only has no one else seen, we don't even know all of it. She says, well it isn't fair that the rest of you remember him, this is all I have. Oh I get so mad when I think of it. She was kind enough to scan some of the pictures and email those, but she has kept all the originals for herself. I despise her for her selfish brattiness! Here is what I think should be done: She should bring everything she has received to the family gathering in May and we four girls can sit down, sort through it and divy it up. Don't you think that would be the fairest thing? I am sure some of you are disappointed by how petty this is, and how mad I am about it, but what can I say, it is the way I feel. Thanks for letting me vent about it. That is a really important part to me sorting all of this out.

4 Kids Who Want To Play:

Granny said...

My former dil has become a "fundie" and is not the girl I knew and loved for so long. She "prays" for the rest of us that we may see the evil of our ways.

I still love her but sometimes I don't like her very much.

As for the rest, what you would do and what I would do might not be the same and much too complicated for a comment box.

Let me know if you're interested. That's why email was invented.

Happy Easter and hugs,


ipodmomma said...

it's tough having a sibling with whom you once shared much, but now there is a great distance. I have a sister two years my junior, who doesn't have the time of day for me. but, in her defense, I started it...

anyways, yeah, the best way would be what you described. it's too bad that in her selfishness and fear, she pushes away those who in theory should be the closest.

life is sometimes, not often and many times full of contradictions and quandries that seem without purpose. vent away, because as Ann said, we're just an email away....

much love I send your way tonight...

GZ said...

I found your blog from a link on DoctorMamas site. I just wanted to come and say THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU for your comment there. I am also LDS in Utah and I sometimes find it frusterating that children are so much a part of our culture here that people don't stop to appreciate their fertility or be sensative to infertitles around them.

Let us know what you dedcide to do about your baby sister!

Jenny said...

I'm going to share with you something I saw on one of those housecleaning/makeover one room shows (I know that it’s corny - like quoting The Geraldo Rivera Show but it really stuck with me) and it is this: “A person’s things are not that person.”

I know it sounds so simple and blunt and hard to hear. I am a stranger to you and I know nothing of your life other than what I’ve read here and that’s what makes it so easy for me to blurt out what I think. I guess if it’s a “thing” that could pay one’s house off, or guarantee your children’s college I would ask for it to be split evenly but if it’s just personal effects; pocket knives and photographs and they mean that much to her and she means that much to you then re-read this:

“A person’s things are not that person.”

From reading about “the binders” in your later post, I imagine you already know this.

All my best from Illinois – Mrs. Bombadee