Friday, May 16, 2008

Still Alive

I am so sorry. Fix-it Friday has really fallen by the wayside with everything going on. You know, I have had better weeks, really.
My uncle died. I am okay with that, but it has been really hard on my mom, and I have done my best to be present for her, as she grieves losing another family member.
My grand mother died. I can not express how grateful I am that I was able to visit with her before she passed away. I knew she was very ill with cancer, but it was a shock to have her die so soon after I saw her. She had a long full life, and there is much to celebrate. But a part of me, of course wishes she were still here with us.
This stuff with Little Bear has really taken a toll on me, physically and emotionally. He was discharged today! He just looks so wonderful! He has come a long way in two weeks. But all the driving back and forth and everything else, even though I was glad to do it, was still not easy. I feel bad for being relieved that I am not going to have to drive back and forth to the Large City 3-4 times a week.
Little Man had a dentist appt yesterday at Sick Kids R Us. They needed to see him in the clinic before they could approve of some sedation for his teeth.
That was probably in the top three worst appointments of all time. Hell isn't even the word. Hell distilled. Condensed hell. Hell so condensed, if you took one drop it would burn through you like hot lava and you would smell brimstone from a mile away. Yeah, that kind of hell. The dentist never even was able to set foot in the room, and we ultimately had to finish his medical history over the phone. My guess is that he couldn't tolerate being a new place he had never been before. He has enough going on cognitively to be anxious, scared and worried, but he is too delayed to reason with, or try to talk him out of the tree he has climbed in his anxiety. The well studied response? Um, yeah, we are going to need to sedate him. Smart, aren't they? So we have another surgery with the boy in June. Hopefully we won't need to do a PICC line and vanco again. I was the picture of patience, I am pleased to say. I just felt so bad for him, he was struggling so hard, and losing the battle to his inner demons. Poor boy. But by the end of the day, I was pretty well hammered and not up for any more fights with him. Luckily Bald Man could see how stressed we were and stepped up nicely for me to get a break.
Hopefully I won't be spitting in the face of fate by declaring that it is unlikely next week could be as bad as the last one.
Thanks as always, for your comments, kind and funny. They are a boost in the middle of some tough stuff here.

10 Kids Who Want To Play:

Katie said...

Jo you have nothing to be ashamed or feel bad about. Sounds like you have had a horrible week.

I've kept up my fix it friday as it helps to make me post regularly. If anyone wants to come on over then as ever they're very welcome.

Jill said...

So sorry to hear about your Uncle and grandmother.
I'm glad your little bear is doing well!

Yondalla said...

We survived without fix-it Friday, and will survive some more.

Sleep m'dear.

Torina said...

I'm so sorry for your losses! I hope next week is merely average for you.

PeWee said...

I'm sorry about your loved ones passing.

Tough week, indeed!

K J and the kids said...

I'm sorry. That is terrible about your Uncle and grandmother.

I can't imagine where you find the energy some days. Do you buy it at a health food store ?

Eos said...

what a tough week...hang in there...{{hugs}}

bon said...

Y'know... thank you again for coming to see the Pearl-girl and I at Sick Kids R Us. You were so awesome... I can just imagine what it meant for Little Bear's mom and dad for you to have gone that extra mile for them too. Lady, you ROCK! Here's to a waaaaaay better week!

Jessica G. said...

Oh, Jo...come here, I'll hold you! What a terrible, sad week for you. You have my full permission to finish off an entire pint of Haagen Daas. :)

Hope this next week is better by leaps and bounds!

Amber said...

Sounds like a week for chocolate and bubble baths...