Friday, November 16, 2007

I Don't Know What to Think

Maybe you wise and wonderful mommies out there can help me with this. We have some new neighbors and there are two little boys that Little Man has started to socialize with. One of the boys is 9 and the other 6. They play video games together, at our apartment. Not that I would mind if Little Man went over there, but there hasn't been an invitation in that direction. Which is fine too.
Anyways, here is my little dilemma. The older boy, Rudy, let's call him, is um, well, rude. Rude and loud and he calls both Little Man and his brother some marginal names. He says things like "what the!" and "you suck". Which as I mentioned are marginal in my book. He is manipulative and I guess I really don't like him at all. But Little Man LOVES him. Wants to always play with him. If it were left up to me, I would never, ever have him over, I think he is brat. But my boy, my precious boy, my boy who has so little by the way of joy in his life, delights in his company. And I am stuck. I try to do some guidance by way of saying things like, "no shouting", "please don't call the other boys names" and "I think you could...instead", but still the kid really is a monster. So what would you do? What do you think I should do? Talk to his mom? I could, we have chatted quite a bit, try to keep guiding the kid into treating my boy better? What?
Edited to add: I am less worried Little Man will pick up the way Rudy acts and more concerned about Little Man being manipulated and used for his awesome toys. Rudy will threaten to leave unless Little Man concedes to what this child wants, including things like allowing Rudy to play a one player game that leaves the other two out of it. The younger brother seems quite acclimated to his brother extortion and threats to tattle or leave if he doesn't get his way and so the little brother just lets him have his way. I think Rudy is pretty marginal in his treatment of my boy, but once more, I have been guiding and putting up with it because Little Man loves the time they spend at our house. I am trying to allow Little Man to work things out for himself and not spending all my time hovering over the kids. But geez, it is hard, because he is so vulnerable.
And Chag? I thought about you when I said "mommies", and almost said parents instead, but I reminded myself you hadn't commented in a long time and I thought perhaps you weren't reading, so I went ahead. I will be more careful in the future! My apologies and thanks for the advice.
P.S. I called Dr. Tall and Thin's office, but the nurse said she hasn't been able to pin him and get him to answer the question for Little Man's PICC line insertion. So we continue to wait. And worry. Next week.

6 Kids Who Want To Play:

Granny said...

I could be way off base but unless you think Little Man could be picking up the language and the behavior by association, I'd probably let him enjoy his "friend".

While I was watching carefully of course.

Chag said...

I think as long as it's happening at your place, it's a good thing because you can point out to your son that the language Rudy's using is wrong.

But yeah, I probably wouldn't let your boy go over to the Rude Household.

My two cents, even though I'm not a wise and wonderful mommy.

Yondalla said...

It is a little unclear from your description if Rude is insulting Little Man or using words and phrases that you find objectionable.

Do you not want Little Man to repeat the words? Is it that Little Man would be insulted if he understood?

If the issue is that you don't want certain language used in your home then I think you can tell Rude that. "In our house the rule is 'we don't say things like..'"

Klynn said...

I clicked on the comments to add my assvice, but Yondalla already touched on my idea. If he is behaving inappropriately, just tell him "that is not how we behave in my house". If he continues, tell him "if you can't respect my house rules, I'll have to ask you to go home". So in reality, you aren't disciplining the child, just enforcing normal, polite house rules.

You may want to open a dialog with the rude boy's mom beforehand though, so the boy won't go home and tell her you've been mean (or make up worse stuff). Kids can be so mean.

Anyway, by enforcing the house rules you'll at least get better behavior in your home, and potentially the kid might learn to be more polite in other situations as well.

K J and the kids said...

Some how you need to pull that brat to the side and threaten him with duck tape and superglue. Once he knows how serious you are I think he will cooperate and play with Little Man in a whole new light.

I have to agree with the above. Tell him that you don't ACT that way in your house. If Little Man is happy..let them do what they are doing....if Little Man starts to show wear and tear or if he gets hurt. Maybe start sticking your nose in a little more.

I have to say...I remember going to the next door neighhbors. The Dotty's. We played with her little girl for the fudgesicles.
SEE..children are being used in the BEST of kid circles :) ha ha

Good luck !

Maggie said...

That's a hard one. Slugger has a friend that is perfectly nice when he's here but something about him sends up a red flag with me. Then I noticed that Slugger had MAJOR attitude after playing with this one particular boy. I talked to Slugger about it a lot and I've finally put the brakes on it. Slugger is allowed to play with this friend at our house, but he's no longer allowed at the friend's house or to go around the neighborhood with him.

I don't have terribly concrete reasons, but my mommy instincts are riled and I've got to follow them!